Believe

Momma said, be careful what you let people write on your windows, for you will forever see your world through them.

I’m pretty sure she picked up that analogy from Dr. Phil. It was good, the “belief window” concept. To sum it up, we are all born with clean and shiny windows, that we look through to see our world. As we grow up, little by little, words get written on it. God is Good, I am smart, People are nice. Sometimes the words aren’t very nice, they can be negative about ourselves, they can be racist or sexist, or they can be facts (or lies) about our past that we then shape our decisions around. A child can’t really help what their parents, teachers, family and friends write on their windows. It isn’t until they are grown that they can begin to evaluate everything and decide what can stay, and what gets Windexed. Somewhere along the line, I became emotionally exhausted from trying to rewrite all the things on my belief windows. So I windexed them all. I started over. Surprisingly, many of them wiped off pretty easily. Others, so old, had begun to etch themselves into the glass. And despite all my efforts, the stain still skews my perception. I began to write new words, new truths, new beliefs. I wrote them before I even believed them. I tested them out. “I am smart.” I dared to tell someone I was smart. I refused to imply I wasn’t smart, my 35 year old motis operandi for preventing embarassment at dinner parties. I just acted like I was smart, and didn’t assume everyone was out to prove me wrong and guess what? I AM smart. And funny. And cute. And worthy. And a Christ Follower. And a good mom. And a good wife. And a good friend. And a whole bunch of other things that I wouldn’t let myself believe before. I wrote it on my window… and decided that even if those around me didn’t believe in me, I would believe in me. I would believe in me, anyway.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *